I hate ironing I view it as a sartorial conceit. It is an etiquette I have no need of.

The reason why I loathe and detest ironing, is because it's a wholly unnecessary social etiquette. It's something that you should do to clothes that you absolutely don't have to. You do have to wash them, for sure, otherwise you would be unthinkably smelly, but you do not actually have to iron anything that you wear. It's like having sartorial cosmetic surgery and yet somehow I feel like such a social pariah when I don't.  People literally cross the road away from me. Unless I'm wearing linen, because, apparently when one wears un-bleached linen, it's totally acceptable to look like a walking sheet of discarded newspaper. However then the proviso,  is that you have to be living in Capri. As an Italian millionaire.

Achieving precisely neither; tethers me somewhat ungraciously to a steaming piece of electrified triangular metal every time I have to do something vaguely sociable. Grrhuh.

something is eating my spinal chord/cord

Really what is the difference? It is a cord running down the inside of those bony things that keep my back from collapsing and at 49 seem to ache more than they used to. Plus it keeps my signals to my brain in harmony. Therefore, it is a chord? Right no? I DONT care because it is currently misbehaving. My immune system is pretending it is a large enemy and is munching it which is making it cross and fatter than usual. However fat that is meant to be. Which is making me tingly and numb. Upside I have been allowed to increase my calorific intake as sanctioned by a doctor although how many of those calories I can take from Prosecco was not clear. Downside writing is taking longer, and i already had a propensity to study procrastination as an art form now it is becoming a viva for a PhD.